So as an update on my previous post, I did manage to finally get a hold of Heathbar, and as always, it was just my paranoia causing a stir, just to rattle things up. Things are not bad between us, but we still don’t really talk. But I can’t really hold that against her. She is a busy person and I am not. At least not really.
So for nerd news: E3 is currently making it’s run through the interwebs and all the delights it has in store. This year I decided to go about E3 differently. I’m going to wait until it’s passed and then get all the scoops. I’m tired of this “here’s a snippet of what could happen” and listening to what new peripheral/add-on Nintendo has managed to trick the casual gaming community into thinking it needs. Blah. Sony, as has been stated for the past 3 years, it’s your year to SHINE! Make ’em proud. In fact, prior to the launch of E3, I already found the next great game my heart yearns for. For those who haven’t seen this yet, this is Project Trico, from Team Ico, the creators of the magnificent masterpiece known as Shadow of the Colossus.
Wasn’t that AWESOME?! DID YOU PEE YOUR PANTS A LITTLE LIKE I DID?! No? Well…. hmm. This is awkward. And not like “walked in on your parents” awkward. More like “slipped your grandma the tongue when she kissed you bye” awkward. I’ll let you linger on that mental picture for a second.
So I have to admit my last rant was quite therapeutic. It was how I like to write. 8+ paragraphs of ranting is pretty typical for me. One thing I said I would talk about on here and haven’t quite gotten into really is my religious stance. So today, that’s what I am going to get into, and you are welcome to listen in your head, but don’t repeat it out loud. I find that whenever I say any of my thoughts out loud I suddenly realize how idiotic they sound. Solution: Don’t say it. Write it.
So since I was a wee lad I was raised to believe that Catholicism is the way to the Lord Almighty. This was enforced solely from my mother, as my father was schooled parochially, even unto his first years of college. So it was of his belief that he had spent more than enough time in the church to be all good in the eyes of the Lord. I remember in Sunday class one time having one of those hand-outs that had this question upon it: Who is the King? Of course, I answered as honestly as I could. My parents were called into a conference over this, and were shown the paper. My response, apparently verbatim, was: “Everyone knows this! Elvis Presley.” and proceeded to draw a little king on the side of my paper. My father laughed histerically. About this time I was taken out of that and really kind of gave up on the religion thing.
Not to say I didn’t think about it. In fact I had a strong faith at the time, despite my lack of knowledge of anything. Eventually I was enrolled in a Christian private school that spawned a seed of disinterest in christianity in general. Middle school preppies who use God as their excuse to act like retards wasn’t really all that enlightening of the true meaning of Christianity, not in my honest opinion anyways. Then I was enrolled in a Christian home school program. This wasn’t nearly as unbearable and where I started to really develop faith and practices.
I had my super-religious kicks. I remember one time a friend and myself took all our secular CDs and tossed them in high school. To this day if you look through my CD pack in my car, you will see that over 70% of my regular CDs are Christian. I like to think I’m pretty open at this point, but I still believe at heart I am a Christian. You know, just like 70% of America is. 😉
But I have some very different beliefs from most Christians. For example, and this one is a little more common than some of the other things, but I don’t think the Bible could be 100% accurate. Anyone who reads the history of mankind & more specifically the Roman-catholic church can tell you that there is no way that piece of literature came out unaltered. I’m not saying there isn’t a lot of validity to the book. I still read it and there are some profound scriptures that I think people would easily overlook just because it’s the Bible.
My second difference, and probably a lot less common, is my complete distaste for Paul. Every book I’ve read by Paul I’ve always managed to find something that I think sounded off-beat or didn’t quite add up to the rest of the plan. And I guess I am confused by the community’s obsession with Paul. I’ve been meaning to do some more research on him, but I honestly take everything he says with a grain of salt. He’s so full of hijinks it’s really ridiculous.
I don’t believe in saints. I don’t believe anyone can be any greater than another in the eyes of God. I believe 100% in equality. All man has sinned. No one is free of sin. No man is greater than another except by their own terms, not by God’s. I always thought that was a simple message that no one really likes to take to heart.
I believe in spirituality and I believe if there is anything that the Christian churches really lack these days it’s truly trying to connect spiritually. And I don’t mean the extravertive junk like speaking in tongues or purging the evil out of another. I think those might be a little forced. I believe in inner peace. It’s similar to Nirvana, but not quite as intense. I believe that by finding inner peace with yourself and your God, then you are spiritually aware. I think the fire & brimstone approach is a little out-dated.
Another difference I have that most wouldn’t agree with is acceptance. I, as a human being, have absolutely no right to tell someone what to believe or how they should feel spiritually. I don’t care what religion you follow, even Scientology. I will joke about it, but if that’s what someone wants to believe, then let them. It’s not what I believe, but it doesn’t hurt me that they believe that. It’s their choice and their religion. I’m not out to start a revolution or to convert as many as possible. Why is that such an important aspect of Christianity?
I believe a relationship with God can only be felt on a personal level. I believe it’s such a personal thing that there is only one person who can really know what’s going on. That’s why the verse about God judging people by their hearts makes such an impact for me. No one can know how another really feels. That’s why inner peace is such a key piece. That doesn’t mean you can’t learn from others and grow through relationships, but I just think in the end, it’s up to you. For me personally, I know there is a lot of noise and distortion in my heart and my head. The key is trying to filter through those things and just focus on what’s important.
I’ve met all sorts of stereotypical “Christians” who go to church, pay their tithe, have a Bible study, do some things for the homeless, and still never have a real passion for it. It’s just natural because that’s what Christianity is to them. I’m not saying those things don’t have merit, but I believe actions aren’t it at all. It’s what drives a person to do those things. I believe that humanity has lost touch with it’s spirit. We are so eager to replace God and Creation with our words and our definitions. It’s all so silly.
It was interesting growing up in the communities that I did. I met all kinds of people and seen so many different types of fire and sparks for their God that it’s often times inspiring/hilarious to see them all socially interact. I like to think that my homeschool experience was probably the closest I’ve come to a non-segregated sensible Christian community as I’ve ever seen, and it was so lovely (even if every now and then we had a teacher try to encourage us to be outright racist, but that’s for another time). It makes me sad that these things don’t occur more often.
I went to church on my own for a while at a church called Revolution. I stopped going and felt really rejected by it because of the message they were portraying. Their outer message is, “We are the church for everyone who’s been rejected by big churches. We accept everyone regardless of looks, lifestyle, anything!” In actuality, that meant something more like, “We are a church for everyone who’s been rejected by big churches. And we aren’t like them. They suck. They suck snail slime out of garbage pails. Heathens.” Which got tiresome after a while. I left because of this message, and when I tried getting in touch with the pastor and reconciling, I didn’t get a response. So I haven’t been back to church for a while. I’ve been wanting to, but I hate new people and environments, and I’m very untrusting of people when it comes to religion. It has taken all sorts of patience to be able to write this, and I could still write more.
But I will let this end. Next time I will talk about my racist teacher, and might even possibly post a loving story I wrote in the 4th grade about a certain automobile. Delightful. Sheerly delightful.