Hello all. Here I am once again trying to waste more moments of your life with dribble and nonsense. I’ve had some lesser revelations lately, and I feel compelled to write them out.
First off, as stated in the subject of this soft-spoken declaration, birthdays and weddings are about to commence. Friday is my buddy Jon Dunn’s wedding, of which I have secured a part as a “groom’s man”, which is to imply that I am a man that played such a significant role in the groom’s life to be given the title of his man, along with a few others. I wasn’t bestowed the coveted title of “Best man” which is a title that has to bear some sort of ambiguous double meaning long since forgotten since it’s inception, however by our modern day terms, the man whom most influenced the groom’s life. He chose his father, which I am surprised doesn’t happen as often as it should these days.
At first I thought it would be awesome to be part of a wedding. Get my first real experience at the whole shebang. This was re-enforced by my recent decision to jump into the whole experience first-hand as a groom myself. However, I am now single, so that whole desire is now gone, and I realize that out of all of Jon Dunn’s friends, he’s really the only person I get along with. So my enthusiasm for the whole affair diminished quickly on the Bachelor party. Friday @ 7:30 is the rehearsal, and the following day at the same time is the wedding. I doubt I will stick around for the reception.
The following day is my birthday and also happens to be Flag Day, an oft-forgot holiday that I assume gives meaning and life to our country’s Star-Mangled banner. However, since it always falls in mid-summer, it never gets quite the recognition it could. So this Sunday, while you are sipping your cognac and smoking your preferred stogie, quietly pondering the ill-gotten behaviors of your little shitlings in the yard, think back to that time in your elementary days when you read that story, that had that woman sitting in a rocking chair, sewing together 13 stars that would one day be replaced by 50, and wonder why in God’s name we have so many laws protecting a symbol that gets mass-produced on a piece of cloth overseas.
But my birthday. I’m not much of a gift person. I enjoy gifts, but at this point there isn’t much I want. A few games here and there, clothes, but nothing I feel like anyone else should get me. Really I enjoy spending time with people. Which is rather odd as most years I’ve spent my birthday at home alone. I mean that specifically for the day, June 14th. Usually a few days later our family goes out to eat together, but generally on the day of my birth I sit at home. I don’t think this year will be any different.
I’m trying to get through my to-do list, but it is discouraging, I must say. I am going to try and talk my current roommate Matt into living with me again. Here’s hoping that works. I need to replace the door to my closet, the one we aptly named Boo-door due to the gargantuan hole at the bottom. Need to find a local doctor and dentist and actually use my health benefits for once. Paid for them for over a year and still haven’t seen anyone. Pay my student loans, get my car checked up. It’s been waaay too long for that. Apartments are coming down in prices though. That was a re-assuring feeling.
I did just get a drum set from a very awesome person. This wonderful individual aided me in my pursuit to musical DESTRUCTION!!!1! I haven’t had the room to set it up yet. I will do so once I move into an apartment with adequate spacing. I am also working on my Mad Hatter card, which should go nicely with my Mad Hatter-esque Ren Fest hat. I will post pictures when I get closer to a finished product.
So that’s the news. On to the good stuff, the lesser revelations. I continue to come to this realization at different points in my life, so one would think eventually I would take it to heart. But alas, it is easy to get caught up in everything (how ambigious). But I continually find myself realizing that my heart really isn’t in the right place, at least for me. I know I am a bit of an internal control freak. What this means is I like to be able to understand and control almost everything that goes on inside my mind and preferably physically too, but I am a lot more forgiving there.
Not to make you roll your eyes as such a tired expression, but I feel as though I am often the boy in the bubble, internally. And I think subconsciously I desire this. I have this mentality that I can’t get hurt if I only let someone so close. If you’ve been reading this for a while now, you would notice this sort of contradicts my life theory of being willing to get as close to anyone as they will get to me. But I don’t think they contradict. I think the bubble effect is caused by fear. Fear of rejection, fear of not knowing exactly what the other person was trying to say, fear of another memory that I have to shake my head to avoid thinking about. But I don’t like to be dominated by fear. That seems silly. So I constantly wait and try to see where relationships will develop and do my best to let the people that think are amazing into my life. Now I’m sure a ton of people know exactly what I’m talking about. I don’t think I’m very different from the rest of the world, but I’m willing to think and talk about these things, and I think that’s what’s different.
Another thing that I’ve noticed is I once again find myself coming off very pretentious and know-it-all-y for lack of a better use of the y letter. I hate that about me. I don’t think I know much of anything except computers and video games. I know lots of really random trivia and lots of bad pop culture references, but that’s about it. I can quote most car insurance commercials from the 90’s. That’s not something you put on your resume, however. But when I do talk I feel like I give off this air of arrogance and it bothers me. I know this is especially so for my old roommates and friends. Because there have been multiple occasions of “I told you so!” that I never said, but I’m sure they know I thought it and hated me for it. It doesn’t bother me that people want to live their own lives and make their own mistakes. In fact I am an advocate for that. But I guess I kind of get on a high-horse when I see people who didn’t think things out like I did and ended up crashing and burning because they didn’t listen to me. But that’s not what I should do. And it annoys me that I bring that same attitude to any table, not just with close friends.
I’m sure there are other things, but I will stop. I can only be so self-degrading. I am actually quite happy right now, despite what my rants say. I haven’t caught up on E3 goodies yet, but I’ve seen some of the highlights already. Nothing that speaks to me really. I promise to post the 4th grade essay soon. And I think that about does it. You all have a wonderful day.